Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Requirements

Nearly 8 months have passed since the day I met her.  Eight roller coaster months. We entered a world with lawyers and interviews, social workers and home visits, court rooms and police stations. It's not the world I would have imagined 8 months ago.  Yet it's exactly where God put me.

Ten months ago I was a mother of 3, with dreams of adopting. Of course I told God it would be a boy and he would be under 2 and would have no abuse in his history.

Oh how God must have shook his head at my requirements.  How he must have laughed....perhaps that's why nine months ago while putting my children to bed we began talking of all the children going to bed without a mommy to sing to them.  Perhaps that's why that night my youngest prayed if there was any little girl or boy that didn't have a good home that God would provide them with a family. Perhaps that's why my prayers began to change and I thought of the many hurting, lost, abandoned and abused children that desperately need love. My heart was touched to the point that I wrote in my prayer journal to God, "If my child has already been born Lord protect him or her, and surround them with love and the Holy Spirit so that they  feel safe and are able to sleep tonight." My heart yearned for them.  I knew in that moment that my child was somewhere without me and I prayed not knowing who the child was. But God saw. 

He looked down and saw my little girl, alone and scared and he put the ball in motion.  Who knew an egg hunt would be the means to join me with my child. The start of a rescue mission. Here I am 8 months after that egg hunt waiting for papers to be finalized, but now a mother of 4. My requirements were not met...but my destiny was.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Safe with Me

The journey has been hard.  Oh the things I didn't know.  When those dark eyes pierced my heart I knew not what the future held. And now I see God was sparing. For had I seen it all perhaps I wouldn't have stepped out in faith. Perhaps I would have said, "This is too big for me."

 I took a snap shot at the egg hunt.  One snap shot, and I starred at it. The child in the photo was not my biological child, yet every time I looked at it I saw my daughter. I memorized her face, her grin, the short dark curls around her face. I prayed and asked God, "Is this really my daughter. Do you really want me to step out and move forward?" Was I to just be a friend, help out the caretaker, give play dates and opportunities. I could do that. But that was not all I was to do. I knew in my heart. I knew she was mine.  I kept saying this is bigger than I know. God's doing something bigger than I know.  My head thought perhaps he was going to bring salvation to her lost family, or perhaps bring companionship to her caregiver.  Something sweet and smooth and glorious.

I didn't know that it would be ugly and dark.  People were not what they seemed.  Reality is so much messier than you imagine. But oh yes, God was doing something bigger than I knew.  When I faltered, when I stumbled and lost my way.  He would repeat to me. "She is your daughter.  I will make the mountains into plains.  I will do it. Not by your power, or might, but by my Spirit." When I rested in that I saw God move huge mountains and in the process uncover such darkness, such pain.  Yet he is doing something amazing and beautiful and glorious.

It was bigger than I knew. It was a rescue mission.  He saw her, he knew. He saw the hurt and the wounds and he knew.  Though man failed to recognize, God saw.  He heard her desperate cries and he plucked her out of the darkness and filth and set her into a family. And that is something beautiful and glorious.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

And the curve ball was....

A little girl. With her dark curls and goofy grin she stole my heart. We were told she needed a family and boom my life changed. She looked up at me with deep brown eyes and called me Momma with a question. She was asking, searching, "Will you be my mommy?" "Will you take care of me?" My heart said yes. God moved mountains of obstacles and provided every step of the way. Though I knew nothing that I know now, I knew she was mine. She had adopted me. Now it was my job to follow through and let her know, "Yes, I will take care of you, you are safe with me."