Birth Siblings
My darling daughter is the third of 7 children. Honestly, that makes me angry. It makes me angry that her birthmother got pregnant multiple times, with multiple different men and didn't take care of any of her babies. She choose drugs and men over her children over and over and over again. It is so incomprehensible to me. How can you have a sweet baby and not get help so you can be a momma? The things she did are criminal, the things she exposed these babies to are hideous.
Her first three children she abandoned by the time they were 4 months old. She'd leave them with a relative or the birth father, sometimes not seeing them for years at a time or ever again. The next children she had she decided to keep with her. She would show up from time to time in my daughters life, bringing new siblings along. Then she'd leave her, abandoning her all over again, but take the other kids with her. It makes absolutely no sense.
She eventually had the four youngest taken away by the state and adopted out. Currently her the seven children reside in 5 different homes. Those are just the children on her mother's side. On her father's side there are other children. She knew about her siblings, though she never lived with them, she met them, stayed with them for a few days at a time.
When she came to live with us she told us about her brothers and sisters. Her memories all included trauma. She was concerned for their safety. Where were they? Were they still with her birth mother? Were they being hurt? She wanted to know. Luckily, I was able to get information on most of them. The other 4 that were adopted I was able to contact. It feels good to be able to tell her they are safe.
Recently, we were able to meet up with two of her siblings. It was such a neat experience. She had not seen them for over two years. It was amazing to see how similar they are in the way they walk and talk and their mannerisms. She was very happy to see them, it helped her to see they too are in a family with a new mommy and daddy and new siblings. She was able to feel at ease that they are safe, and she knows that if she needs their information we have it. Since seeing them she hasn't asked about them at all. She refers to them as her good friends, that used to be her sisters. Her new sister used to be her friend. It's kind of funny to listen to her talk about it.
From everything I've ever read or heard it's important for adopted children to be able to keep track of their siblings and know they exist and where they are. From what I understand those connections are even more important to children than their parents at times. While it's not always possible, it is very beneficial to know about birth siblings. It breaks my heart I can't tell her where all her siblings are, or assure her they are all safe. I also know that it's not safe for her to be around some of them. I plan to do my best to keep track of them so she can have the information when she is older.
Her first three children she abandoned by the time they were 4 months old. She'd leave them with a relative or the birth father, sometimes not seeing them for years at a time or ever again. The next children she had she decided to keep with her. She would show up from time to time in my daughters life, bringing new siblings along. Then she'd leave her, abandoning her all over again, but take the other kids with her. It makes absolutely no sense.
She eventually had the four youngest taken away by the state and adopted out. Currently her the seven children reside in 5 different homes. Those are just the children on her mother's side. On her father's side there are other children. She knew about her siblings, though she never lived with them, she met them, stayed with them for a few days at a time.
When she came to live with us she told us about her brothers and sisters. Her memories all included trauma. She was concerned for their safety. Where were they? Were they still with her birth mother? Were they being hurt? She wanted to know. Luckily, I was able to get information on most of them. The other 4 that were adopted I was able to contact. It feels good to be able to tell her they are safe.
Recently, we were able to meet up with two of her siblings. It was such a neat experience. She had not seen them for over two years. It was amazing to see how similar they are in the way they walk and talk and their mannerisms. She was very happy to see them, it helped her to see they too are in a family with a new mommy and daddy and new siblings. She was able to feel at ease that they are safe, and she knows that if she needs their information we have it. Since seeing them she hasn't asked about them at all. She refers to them as her good friends, that used to be her sisters. Her new sister used to be her friend. It's kind of funny to listen to her talk about it.
From everything I've ever read or heard it's important for adopted children to be able to keep track of their siblings and know they exist and where they are. From what I understand those connections are even more important to children than their parents at times. While it's not always possible, it is very beneficial to know about birth siblings. It breaks my heart I can't tell her where all her siblings are, or assure her they are all safe. I also know that it's not safe for her to be around some of them. I plan to do my best to keep track of them so she can have the information when she is older.
Thanks for sharing your blog link, Missy. This was tearful but amazing. God bless you as you and your family love and raise the little ones He has planned for you since before they were born. We are, after all, ALL adopted into His kingdome
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