The last week has found me very stressed and very irritable! I feel like there is conflict every direction I turn in and in reality I abhor conflict. I like resolving conflict, but I hate the process to get there. I've spent much of the week with a poor attitude, a headache and rehashing conversations or thinking of all the things I "need" to say over and over again.
I know this is not where God wants me. Yesterday in the midst of feeling so overwhelmed, and tired and down right angry about some things I thought "Put on the mind of Christ." My very next thought was well how am I supposed to that if I haven't been "in" Christ. I'd been "in" conflict, "in" running twenty different directions to please people. I'd been "in" watching dumb tv shows via netflix late into the night to get my mind off things. What I needed was to be "in" Christ.
Last night I laid awake with a throbbing head and all the conversations and to do lists flooding my thoughts. I finally got up and picked up my Bible and read myself to sleep. Then this morning with head still throbbing I opened my Bible again and read some more and then went on to read some of a book on my kindle Secret Place.
In the book he talks about his attention not being on Christ and what Christ revealed. I'm paraphrasing here, when everything is filling our time and mind and thoughts to the point that we are like an artery clogging with cholesterol. Our spirit is clogged with worldly things keeping and we need to clear those things in order to draw near to the Lord.
It's not easy. It's down right hard. It means saying no. Saying no to tv, may be easier for me than the other things I have to say no to. It means not filling my days to the brim. It means stopping and renewing my mind and trying to think about the things that God wants me to think about.
I need to do better. I need to spend more time with Christ. I need to say no more and seek not just what's good but what's the best.