Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Removing the block

So I haven't had time to post lately.  I realize my last post was about my friend's tumors in her brain.  Perhaps that's part of what's thrown me into writer's block.  The good news is she's almost done with her full brain radiation treatments and she's been doing pretty well.

The other part of my writer's block...my head keeps spinning!  I have a million things on my to-do list.  We are in the process of buying a house, homeschooling, planning parties and classes for a home school co-op we do, tending to sick kids, dealing with travels and family drama and well you name it.  My head just spins round  and round with all these t.h.i.n.g.s, conversations, things I need to do or just finished doing or wished I would have handled differently.

I have to remind myself it's just things.  Does it really matter in the scheme of life.  If we don't do math today will it wreck my children for life? If I don't have time to respond to all my emails because my whole family is sick, will it really matter? Do I need to lay awake thinking about every inch of our soon to be new home, FIRST HOME, I might add.  It's funny how my brain works.  Lately though sick, though tons of other things are going on I've been obsessed with trying to figure out how to use an antique bed with a different size mattress.  I kid you not I've spent hours looking up solutions on line, trying to find hardware, watching do it yourself videos for making new side rails, so you can store the antique ones and actually use a mattress that would fit a normal couple.  I wonder if that's my brain's mechanism for not dealing with all the stress of what's really going on.

Stress...yes that would be another one of those things that slams the door in the face of my writing.  Stressed to the point of headaches.  Oh and then if I get a headache I start to think, "Oh no, what if I have a tumor and I don't know about it...could that happen"....and my brain races with all the how to's and what if's.  

So I've been out of the blogging loop.  I'm trying to get back.  It might help to put down what's going on.  I do know that in the midst of all of this, the sicknesses, the packing, the mounds of financial paperwork and inspections and appointments, watching my friend swell up from the treatments she's receiving, and counting down the days till we can find out if she's okay, in the midst of it all I still feel a peace. I feel like it's all okay.  I know that feeling is not from me.  Remember I'm the one that thinks tumor when I get a head ache.  I'm the one that freaks out inside and thinks of all possible scenarios for each event that has happened or might happen.  I don't normally feel peace, it's not natural, it's not from me.  It's one of the ways I know my God is real, because in the midst of messy, and sorrow, and joy and stress and sickness I can have peace that passes all understanding.

May his PEACE guard your heart and mind today.

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