The Journey to Adopt
People often wonder how we got our daughter. Was she in foster care, they ask. No, she was not. She should have been but she wasn't. God placed her in our life in a very unconventional way. We planned an Easter Egg hunt at our church, and ended up with a child. That's the short version.
The day of the Easter egg hunt I had taken a picture of her with my then youngest playing, and I had looked at it for 5 days. Each time I looked at the picture I felt like I was looking at one of my own children. We got involved after hearing her story, not knowing what God had in mind. Yet, it felt like she was ours. I felt as though God pressed into my heart that she was mine. Shortly after meeting her she looked at me and called me mommy and it melted my heart. She had adopted us.
On Easter after spending the day with her enjoying church and lunch I prepared to take her home to her care taker and she started to cry. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, don't make me go back." I had to run back inside and cry myself. I cried to my best friend, Danielle. She was a little taken aback, as I am not a crier. I told her I felt like she was ours, but she wasn't, not legally, and I had to take her back someplace she didn't want to go, and she called me mommy. She prayed for me to have strength. Danielle prayed for me, and I composed myself and drove this little one home.
Her caretaker continually complained of health issues and talked as if he was going to die any moment due to 4 aneurysms. I looked at him and said, "Who's going to take care of her if something happens to you?" He shrugged like he had no clue, "probably go back to her mom," he answered. I objected, "But you've said she's on drugs, all her kids were taken away. Who has legal custody of this child?" I was confused and astonished that he would not have made provisions if he was in such bad shape. He told me her birth mother had legal rights. He had none. I left his house and called an attorney and asked what legal options there were in this situation.
The attorney told me about guardianship and about adoption through consent, he explained the paperwork and what each would cost. He explained that either way legal guardianship would be the first step. He explained that we had to make sure she wasn't in the system or there wasn't an open case on her for foster care. I got a hold of the foster care workers that were in charge of her siblings and let them know who I was and asked if there was any case on her. There was not because she was in a different state. I contacted our state and found nothing open here either. I contacted her caretaker and explained his legal options, the costs and what went along with it, like background checks. How he could name who was to take care of her ect. I thought this would be helpful. He played it off and said he didn't have that kind of money and didn't think it was necessary. The same guy who the days before made it sound like he was about to drop dead. We of course now know the real reason he was not about to do anything legal.
I talked with the lady that had first brought her to the egg hunt, who had known part of her story, I'll call her Miss L. She arranged for me to meet the birth mother. We drove to her state, and met in a parking lot. I thought she'd want to know more about me. Maybe go out for dinner. She didn't. I thought she'd show more concern over her daughter. She didn't. I told her about our times of caring for her daughter, about how she hated going back to the other home, how the caretaker was daily talking about all his ailments and how I was worried about what would happen if something happened to him. I told her of the lice that she came to our house with each week, the living conditions she was in. She admitted that she couldn't care for her, all her other kids were in foster care. She said she'd give us legal guardian ship. I wondered if I should trust this woman. She was obviously on drugs. I explained to her the paperwork, how long it would take, how much it would cost. I explained I'd gladly to do it but I didn't want to start it unless she was sure. I didn't want to do it and then not be able to find her to get it signed. She assured me it'd be good. Go ahead. That was the first miracle in this crazy journey to having a new daughter.
I called the lawyer and gave him the information. He began working on the paperwork. We talked to the caretaker, he was mad, but he never said I'm going to miss her, or I still want to visit or anything like that. He just said, "Can't you just wait a while, I'm suing some people and when I get the money I'll get out of the state and you can take her or she can go where ever, to some family members." All of it seemed weird to me. Yet I kept trying to show concern for both of them.
The next miracle was the day the paperwork was done. I called Miss L and told her the paperwork was done. She called back within minutes and said, "I have a notary, I'm picking you up and we are going to meet the birth-mother at her work." I called a friend who was able to babysit last minute. I ran to the lawyers office, got the papers, got in the car with Miss L and her notary friend and we were off, across the state line we ended up at the birth-mother's job at a car wash. We went in, she happily signed her rights to me with the notary there. We drove back to our own town dropped the papers off at the lawyers office and went home. I was in shock and awe. God had arranged all these things to line up perfectly. That was the only week she had that job. From then on out it was near impossible to get a hold of her. Her phone number changed constantly and she was in and out of shelters.
Before the guardianship was finalized all the abuse she had faced came to light. I called a hotline to report it and then had a social worker call me. I was unsure what was going to happen. How was this going to change things. I explained we had filed for guardianship but it wasn't done yet. What did this mean? Were they going to take her, was she going to foster care too? My heart beat hard as I spoke. He asked, "Do you still want her?" Of course, of course we still wanted her. She calls us Mommy and Daddy, she learned to pray to Jesus, she was learning to write her name and to sing songs. I said, "I want whatever is best for her, yes I would still like to keep her if we are able to." The social worker said, "okay" and planned to see us the next day. He did a home visit and explained the next steps. We then entered the criminal legal system that I wrote about in another post.
After the information came out about the abuse, and after our guardianship was complete her birth-mother contacted me. She was sure the accusations were fake. Yet in the next conversation she admitted to being abused by the same man as a kid. During this time she decided that she would allow us to adopt her daughter. So we began the paperwork to adopt. Since the birth father's whereabouts were unknown, it took a long time of finding his probation officers and posting things in his local newspaper. At times I would ask God are you sure? Are we really supposed to adopt her? Are we just supposed to support her for this season and then let her move on? When it seemed like adoption wasn't going to happen, or when her mom would call begging for money for drugs, I would get discouraged. I wasn't about to give her money, did that mean she wasn't going to sign when the time came? Then our lawyer got her signature but forgot to have a witness and forgot to read her some of her rights, so it was pushed out months more as she disappeared for a while.
In the waiting God directed me to Zechariah 4:6-7. In that chapter Zerubbabel is rebuilding the temple for the Lord. It seems impossible. He's discouraged and God speaks to his heart and answers him. The answer he had for him felt like the answer he had for me too. "Then he said to me, "This is the word of LORD to Zerubbael saying, Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, 'says the LORD of hosts. What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain, and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of "Grace, grace to it!"" It was not going to be by my power or my might that her adoption would be finalized. It was by the Spirit of the LORD. It would be in his time. He would make these mountains I was facing into plains. The trouble with the birth mom, the trouble with the lawyer, the naysayer, he would make it all into a plain. The top stone is the finishing stone, it means it's done. So the Lord would bring about the day when it would be done, and we would see and would shout Grace, Grace.
As I read those words God confirmed for me again that he had really set her in our home. He had indeed rescued her and he would indeed see it through. He confirmed for me that we would be her parents and the adoption would be finalized, and through it we would see his amazing Grace. His unmerited favor.
The adoption date moved from December to Feb to April to May. Finally a year and two months after beginning the process, she was ours. Completely ours, and we did say Grace. We continue to say grace as we live out what adoption looks like with an older child who's been through trauma and abuse. Daily we choose to see God's grace for us and have grace for one another.
The day of the Easter egg hunt I had taken a picture of her with my then youngest playing, and I had looked at it for 5 days. Each time I looked at the picture I felt like I was looking at one of my own children. We got involved after hearing her story, not knowing what God had in mind. Yet, it felt like she was ours. I felt as though God pressed into my heart that she was mine. Shortly after meeting her she looked at me and called me mommy and it melted my heart. She had adopted us.
On Easter after spending the day with her enjoying church and lunch I prepared to take her home to her care taker and she started to cry. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, don't make me go back." I had to run back inside and cry myself. I cried to my best friend, Danielle. She was a little taken aback, as I am not a crier. I told her I felt like she was ours, but she wasn't, not legally, and I had to take her back someplace she didn't want to go, and she called me mommy. She prayed for me to have strength. Danielle prayed for me, and I composed myself and drove this little one home.
Her caretaker continually complained of health issues and talked as if he was going to die any moment due to 4 aneurysms. I looked at him and said, "Who's going to take care of her if something happens to you?" He shrugged like he had no clue, "probably go back to her mom," he answered. I objected, "But you've said she's on drugs, all her kids were taken away. Who has legal custody of this child?" I was confused and astonished that he would not have made provisions if he was in such bad shape. He told me her birth mother had legal rights. He had none. I left his house and called an attorney and asked what legal options there were in this situation.
The attorney told me about guardianship and about adoption through consent, he explained the paperwork and what each would cost. He explained that either way legal guardianship would be the first step. He explained that we had to make sure she wasn't in the system or there wasn't an open case on her for foster care. I got a hold of the foster care workers that were in charge of her siblings and let them know who I was and asked if there was any case on her. There was not because she was in a different state. I contacted our state and found nothing open here either. I contacted her caretaker and explained his legal options, the costs and what went along with it, like background checks. How he could name who was to take care of her ect. I thought this would be helpful. He played it off and said he didn't have that kind of money and didn't think it was necessary. The same guy who the days before made it sound like he was about to drop dead. We of course now know the real reason he was not about to do anything legal.
I talked with the lady that had first brought her to the egg hunt, who had known part of her story, I'll call her Miss L. She arranged for me to meet the birth mother. We drove to her state, and met in a parking lot. I thought she'd want to know more about me. Maybe go out for dinner. She didn't. I thought she'd show more concern over her daughter. She didn't. I told her about our times of caring for her daughter, about how she hated going back to the other home, how the caretaker was daily talking about all his ailments and how I was worried about what would happen if something happened to him. I told her of the lice that she came to our house with each week, the living conditions she was in. She admitted that she couldn't care for her, all her other kids were in foster care. She said she'd give us legal guardian ship. I wondered if I should trust this woman. She was obviously on drugs. I explained to her the paperwork, how long it would take, how much it would cost. I explained I'd gladly to do it but I didn't want to start it unless she was sure. I didn't want to do it and then not be able to find her to get it signed. She assured me it'd be good. Go ahead. That was the first miracle in this crazy journey to having a new daughter.
I called the lawyer and gave him the information. He began working on the paperwork. We talked to the caretaker, he was mad, but he never said I'm going to miss her, or I still want to visit or anything like that. He just said, "Can't you just wait a while, I'm suing some people and when I get the money I'll get out of the state and you can take her or she can go where ever, to some family members." All of it seemed weird to me. Yet I kept trying to show concern for both of them.
The next miracle was the day the paperwork was done. I called Miss L and told her the paperwork was done. She called back within minutes and said, "I have a notary, I'm picking you up and we are going to meet the birth-mother at her work." I called a friend who was able to babysit last minute. I ran to the lawyers office, got the papers, got in the car with Miss L and her notary friend and we were off, across the state line we ended up at the birth-mother's job at a car wash. We went in, she happily signed her rights to me with the notary there. We drove back to our own town dropped the papers off at the lawyers office and went home. I was in shock and awe. God had arranged all these things to line up perfectly. That was the only week she had that job. From then on out it was near impossible to get a hold of her. Her phone number changed constantly and she was in and out of shelters.
Before the guardianship was finalized all the abuse she had faced came to light. I called a hotline to report it and then had a social worker call me. I was unsure what was going to happen. How was this going to change things. I explained we had filed for guardianship but it wasn't done yet. What did this mean? Were they going to take her, was she going to foster care too? My heart beat hard as I spoke. He asked, "Do you still want her?" Of course, of course we still wanted her. She calls us Mommy and Daddy, she learned to pray to Jesus, she was learning to write her name and to sing songs. I said, "I want whatever is best for her, yes I would still like to keep her if we are able to." The social worker said, "okay" and planned to see us the next day. He did a home visit and explained the next steps. We then entered the criminal legal system that I wrote about in another post.
After the information came out about the abuse, and after our guardianship was complete her birth-mother contacted me. She was sure the accusations were fake. Yet in the next conversation she admitted to being abused by the same man as a kid. During this time she decided that she would allow us to adopt her daughter. So we began the paperwork to adopt. Since the birth father's whereabouts were unknown, it took a long time of finding his probation officers and posting things in his local newspaper. At times I would ask God are you sure? Are we really supposed to adopt her? Are we just supposed to support her for this season and then let her move on? When it seemed like adoption wasn't going to happen, or when her mom would call begging for money for drugs, I would get discouraged. I wasn't about to give her money, did that mean she wasn't going to sign when the time came? Then our lawyer got her signature but forgot to have a witness and forgot to read her some of her rights, so it was pushed out months more as she disappeared for a while.
In the waiting God directed me to Zechariah 4:6-7. In that chapter Zerubbabel is rebuilding the temple for the Lord. It seems impossible. He's discouraged and God speaks to his heart and answers him. The answer he had for him felt like the answer he had for me too. "Then he said to me, "This is the word of LORD to Zerubbael saying, Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, 'says the LORD of hosts. What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain, and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of "Grace, grace to it!"" It was not going to be by my power or my might that her adoption would be finalized. It was by the Spirit of the LORD. It would be in his time. He would make these mountains I was facing into plains. The trouble with the birth mom, the trouble with the lawyer, the naysayer, he would make it all into a plain. The top stone is the finishing stone, it means it's done. So the Lord would bring about the day when it would be done, and we would see and would shout Grace, Grace.
As I read those words God confirmed for me again that he had really set her in our home. He had indeed rescued her and he would indeed see it through. He confirmed for me that we would be her parents and the adoption would be finalized, and through it we would see his amazing Grace. His unmerited favor.
The adoption date moved from December to Feb to April to May. Finally a year and two months after beginning the process, she was ours. Completely ours, and we did say Grace. We continue to say grace as we live out what adoption looks like with an older child who's been through trauma and abuse. Daily we choose to see God's grace for us and have grace for one another.
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