Forgiveness: Part 1

Forgiveness is a word that continues to run in circles around my mind.  I know that God calls us to forgiveness. Mathew 6:14-15 even goes as far as telling us that God will not forgive us if we will not forgive others.  This is huge.

I know forgiveness is one of the most important things we can do.  Without forgiveness we can become bitter and vengeful.  I've watched as my own mother held on to un-forgiveness and allowed it to drive her actions and reactions my entire life.  She could not grasp God's love for her, and that she was forgiven as she could not offer true forgiveness to others. I think of the flip side of that with the story of Corrie TenBoom and the way she forgave the guard in the concentration camp.

As I read through scriptures it seems to talk about different kinds of forgiveness.  The entire chapter of Matthew 18 gives guidance for what to do if a "brother" sins against you, the steps to take to bring the matter to his attention.  If the "brother" doesn't turn from his trespasses and you've gone through all the steps to make him aware of his sin then he's to be cast out of the congregation. In the same chapter Peter asks Jesus how many times should he forgive his "brother" and you have the famous line of "no not 7 times but 70 times 7".  I'm convinced by the context of the chapter "brother" is referring to fellow believers.  So if a fellow believer sins against you, you go through the steps they have laid out for you, over and over again offering forgiveness.   Later in the chapter Jesus tells the parable where the king forgives his servant of a debt but then the servant turns around and doesn't forgive his own servant of a lesser debt, when the king finds out he throws the first servant "to his tormentors until he can pay the debt".  Jesus says, "My heavenly father will do the same to you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."  Again the word "brother" is used.  Jesus is making it very clear that it's important to forgive our fellow believers.  If we don't than we can not really be known by our love and it can cause others to stumble. This kind of forgiveness seems to lead to restored relationship. 

Yet in Matthew 6:14-15 right after the Lord's prayer Jesus tells us to forgive mankind or we will not be forgiven.  This is not just about our brothers and sisters in Christ, it includes everyone.  

As I've thought through all the trauma my daughter has faced at the hands of two primary people I ask myself how do I forgive them and teach her to forgive too. 

In our home when one of us wrongs another we apologize to that person, and the wronged person then responds with, "I forgive you."  It's something we've done since my bio kids were toddlers.  We taught them to be quick to forgive each other.  This type of forgiveness usually ends in hugs and restored relationships. 

I look at my daughter and realize those that deeply hurt her will probably never have the chance to tell her they are sorry, nor would it ever be healthy for those relationships to be restored.  Yet I know even in this awful situation she has to learn forgiveness.  What does that even look like?  God how can I teach her that what was done to her was awful, but that she must not hold on to un-forgiveness?