My Oldest's Perspective on Adoption

People often ask me how my other kids handled the adoption. I thought I'd share their perspectives part of this week. They all handled it differently.

My oldest was 10 when our journey began. She was old enough to be able to understand what was going on, and to ask questions. Shortly after we met our little girl, before adoption was on the radar, we had taken her out for a play date. Upon returning her home, her "caretaker" asked for a ride to his truck with a new battery he bought. Once the battery was in he told our little one to get in his truck, it was time to go. She cried hysterically. My eldest was most affected by that. She watched as Little One got into the truck and they drove away. She almost started yelling. "Mom, you have to get her back, she's not safe. She's not buckled, that truck is falling apart and she's scared mom, something's wrong. We have to get her back now!" The amazing insight of a child. I felt it too, but it's not that easy for an adult. You can't just get any child you think needs help. I told her to let me think a minute. I remembered it was almost the little one's birthday. I quickly called the caretaker and told him I was hoping to take her birthday shopping and throw her a birthday party, and asked if I could pick her back up. We met back up and the little one ran to our van as fast as her legs could carry her and jumped in, all smiles. This type of thing happened over and over again.

My eldest seemed to have insight from the beginning that this little one needed help and needed a family. She was already a big sister to two other kids and so bringing another one under her wing wasn't as hard of an adjustment for her. She's a natural born leader and very mothering. At one point she said, "It's nice for the children to have another sibling to play with." Referring to her siblings as "the children". She thought this new little one was adorable and she would ooh and awe over her and help her with tasks. When I asked her recently what she thought about adoption she said, "I think it's good. The best part is that we are following God's plan, in the Bible, God says he wants us to take care of orphans and stuff, and we are, so that's the best part, we are helping others. The worst part is it brings on some stress, and that stress rubbed off on me. But, I was okay with that."

While she says she was okay with the stress, I know at times it was hard for her. Yet, I also saw her grow in many ways. She became very protective of her siblings. She became aware of the importance of listening to gut feelings. She did not like the caregiver and she had a "bad feeling" about him from the beginning. There were times when we had to leave for court prep or depositions and when we'd return she would have led her siblings in making pillows or crafts to give to her new little sister. She's always been a gift giver. During this season I've seen it come out more. She's intuitive of other's feelings and she was very intuitive of her new little charge. She wanted to bless her with things to make her feel comfortable or safe. At first all the girls shared a room. She was quick to give up her bunk so the little girls could share it. After bedtime routine if the little one was still awake my oldest would sing to her from across the room to help her fall asleep.

For my kids, the day the adoption was finalized didn't have huge significance for them. They knew now the court was making everything legal and changing names, legally. But for them it was already a done deal. She had been their sister since early on in her visits when she called us "mommy" and "daddy."" The day we didn't have to take her back to the other house anymore was more significant for them. We all hated taking her back there! My oldest would talk to her in simple terms of how many sleeps until she'd come back home to us. The day we found out she could just stay with us everyone rejoiced.

Her biggest issue is that this little one wakes up very early and as a preteen she wants to sleep in. This issue is so not an adoption issue. It's a normal issue of having a younger sibling that's an early riser. For my oldest this journey has been one that she looks on with joy. She doesn't think about the adoption process or the court stuff anymore. She just has another sibling to look after and play with and argue with at times. As she said, "It's normal now, Mom."