The Truth will Set us Free

Yesterday I talked about how God reminded me the importance of speaking life, it also became clear I needed to teach that to my children.

When my bio kids were little I did a whole week of devotions with them on speaking blessings, and building others up.  We made a giant pair of lips and on receipt paper wrote out the verse from Ephesians 4:29. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs." I remember standing on the sidewalk in front of our old town house, my then youngest being only 2,  pulling the receipt paper way down the sidewalk out of these giant lips, and us reading it together.  For months it hung across the top of our wall.  We listened to a song of the verse and my three littles sang it out loud and clear.  I would refer back to that verse over and over whenever I heard them put one another down or say rude things.  I could just say, "Oh no, let's build up," and they would know the reference and it would re-direct their speech. 

Years passed and my new youngest daughter entered our family.  She had no reference of this verse.  She had never been taught to use your words to build others up.  She had spent years in a home where she was constantly put down.  She was called horrible names and told how stupid and bad she was all the time.  This child had learned that words were meant for tearing people apart and causing pain. When she entered my family she used her words consistently to tear her siblings and herself down.  My home felt like it became a chaotic mess.  My bio kids at first would respond in kindness and say things like, "I'm not going to repay evil for evil." But their little pious attitudes quickly changed.  They began slinging the insults right back while I stood in between trying to stop the chaos, only feeling like "monkey in the middle" unable to catch anyone fast enough to make it stop. One of my kids so aptly said, "Well mom, bad company corrupts good morals."  Not exactly what I wanted to hear. This "bad company" was now one of my own children.  She wasn't going anywhere.  Yet this attitude, these insults had to stop.

I started teaching her the verses the other kids had learned.  I started teaching her that words can be hurtful or helpful and that I wanted her to use helpful words.  I'd stop her each time she'd sling out insults of "I hate you, you idiot," or other such out bursts and tell her to now say things that built her siblings up, nice things instead.  She had just used her mouth to say hurtful things, she needed to apologize and try to make it right by saying helpful things.  I also had to do this with my bio kids.  The lesson that they had learned years before needed to be revamped.  It no longer meant much to them. I did many little object lessons, one of the most recent ones was trying to build a sugar cube house.  It was based on Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.  I explained we could build a house together that was full of joy and love and laughter and encouragement or we could tear our home and family apart.  It was all determined by if we chose to be wise with our words or foolish.  The kids set out to build a sugar cube house.  The house was less than a work of art.  It was hideous and quickly fell apart.  I left it on the table as a reminder of the way we had started to look as a family, and that we didn't want to be foolish and tear our house down.  This new object lesson seemed to help.  Each time I'd hear them spewing foolish, hurtful words I would point to the falling apart house on our table and say, "We don't want to be like that, build each other up instead." 

Yet it wasn't just a matter of speech directed at each other.  My newest daughter had a very hard time with speaking good to herself.  The moment I would try to correct her for anything she would start hitting herself yelling she was bad and stupid.  She'd say things like, "I'm bad, I'm always bad, I'm just a bad stupid brat." While she'd say that she'd work herself up into a sobbing hysterical mess, pulling her own hair or clawing herself.  She could go from fine to frenzied so quickly that I felt lost. How did me saying, "Honey come back you forgot to put your bowl in the sink," turn into this?  

I realized just as much as I needed to speak life to myself, so did she.  We talked a lot about truth and lies.  "God's truth is that you are wonderfully made. You are a masterpiece.  You are created by him and you are made in his image.  That means that you are not bad, but good.  You are not stupid but oh so smart and creative."  I started giving her truths to combat the lies in her mind.  When she'd say something mean about herself I would stop her and say, "Wait was that a truth or a lie?" She'd have to answer which interrupted her inward spiral.  Then I'd have her tell herself the truth. I'd wait while she told herself that she was not stupid and not a brat, that she was smart and kind.  We talked about how maybe she made a bad choice but that IS NOT who she is.  Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God  Romans 10:17. If faith in Jesus comes by hearing, I figure faith in who we are to Jesus must also come by hearing, and hearing the word of God.  

God wants us all to replace the lies with his truth.  He wants us all to stop self condemnation and live in the freedom of his truth.  We are loved, we are wanted, we were ransomed from death and condemnation by Jesus death on the cross.  There is no condemnation in Christ.  So I taught her to replace each lie with a truth.  It doesn't mean there aren't still those moments that she starts ranting lies to herself or her siblings, but now she knows the truth.  Now she knows I will stop her and make her tell herself or them the truth.  Daily I feel her speech is improving and I'm reminded that the truth always sets us free.