Why We Homeschool
I started homeschooling before my oldest was pre-school age. I was a teacher and teaching came naturally. So I taught her all the letters and their sounds when she was 2½. By the time she was 4 she was reading well. She was my little sponge. By the time she turned 5 and was ready to go to kindergarten, I was at a loss as to what to do.
I had always assumed I'd send my kids to school. I was a teacher and the idea of school room desks, bulletin boards, and the smell of new school supplies excited me. Yet here I was, finally at the age I could send her, and my heart felt uneasy. Where would I send her? What if she was bored out of her mind as she already knew everything they were going to teach her in kinder? Eight hour days? Really? I was going to send my baby away for 8 hours a day? So basically I'd see her for dinner and bedtime and be with her when she was the most tired and crabby. Hmm. This didn't sound like too much fun.
I looked into charter schools and half day kinder and Christian schools and then I looked at home schooling. My first thought was of how my fellow teachers and professors had talked about home school kids as being less than smart. They described how they would end up back in the classroom years behind the other kids. Well, my daughter definitely wasn't years behind and I wasn't going to sit around not teaching her. I decided to check out my first homeschool conference. I was sold. It was nothing like what I had been told as a teacher. These kids were learning way more than I was ever able to teach in a classroom with 20 plus kids, and faster too.
Our homeschool journey began. After 5 years "officially" homeschooling we met our youngest daughter. She was preschool age and definitely behind. I worked with her, and planned to send her to public school. She wasn't fully adopted yet, and it would only be for kindergarten. Then all the abuse came out and I realized there was no way she could go to school and deal with all the therapy she needed.
I know there are many children in foster care, adopted, or who have experienced massive trauma that are in public school. They are home early in the morning, after school and on weekends. In those times they race to therapy appointments and try to attach to their new family. While I know it's possible, I believe it takes longer to see gains and is more difficult than homeschooling.
My children are with me all day. I know them very well. I can finish their sentences. We joke that I can read my eldest child's mind. Here I had a new daughter coming into the mix, who I did not know well. I didn't know how to read her. I had not had her as an infant, we were not bonded. I knew she still needed an afternoon nap or she was a crab, but I didn't know much else. I couldn't imagine sending her to school from 8 am till 3:30 pm and not having that time to get to know her. I think progress would have come a lot slower if that were the case. She would have been bonding with her teachers and the other students and not as much with me and her dad and siblings. I read to form good attachment with babies and young children it is recommended by counselors to wear the child most of the day, and if possible for at least one of the parents to take a year off work to stay home with the new child. I know not all people can do that, but I was already home. I realized my daughter was too old to wrap and wear, but she still needed to properly attach to us. I knew from reading many adoption books that attachment issues are the worst things to deal with and attachment is key to a healthy child relationship.
Honestly it would have been a lot easier to send her to school at times. I missed my calm quiet home. I missed teaching my other children without someone throwing a fit and whining or interrupting. There were days when I desperately wanted to send her to school. Yet, I knew that it wouldn't help her. I was pretty sure her behaviors would get worse. She'd probably question why everyone else was kept home and she was sent away. Afternoons were her worst time of day without a nap. So I'd be giving the school her best time of day and getting her left overs. My heart and my head told me that would not be right to do for her.
So I withdrew her from the kindergarten I had thought she'd attend and began homeschooling her. I got to see her learn to read. I was there to snuggle with her as we did her school. I got to speak life to her all throughout the day. I also got to see when she was exhausted and needed a nap and allow her to take it. I am so glad we chose to homeschool her. As I look at other kids we know who were adopted through foster care at the same time, and are in daycare and public school, I see they are behind her in their attachment to their new families. They aren't as secure yet, simply because they haven't had the same number of hours with their new families as she has. Their parents have done nothing wrong. They just haven't had as much time to attach and learn about each other.
I strongly believe that homeschooling newly adopted children is a wonderful way to build a strong family bond. I always get the question, "But what about socialization?" They need to learn to socialize with their new siblings first. If they don't attach to their family there will be issues far beyond socialization. We are not hermits, there is church and homeschool co-ops and scouts and clubs that we are a part of. My kids get tons of socialization. But lets be honest: we want our kids to learn what's right and what's wrong and to be able to follow directions before we throw them in with a bunch of other kids their age who have their own behavior problems. Socialization is not the end all be all. A healthy, well attached and adjusted child is way more important.
I had always assumed I'd send my kids to school. I was a teacher and the idea of school room desks, bulletin boards, and the smell of new school supplies excited me. Yet here I was, finally at the age I could send her, and my heart felt uneasy. Where would I send her? What if she was bored out of her mind as she already knew everything they were going to teach her in kinder? Eight hour days? Really? I was going to send my baby away for 8 hours a day? So basically I'd see her for dinner and bedtime and be with her when she was the most tired and crabby. Hmm. This didn't sound like too much fun.
I looked into charter schools and half day kinder and Christian schools and then I looked at home schooling. My first thought was of how my fellow teachers and professors had talked about home school kids as being less than smart. They described how they would end up back in the classroom years behind the other kids. Well, my daughter definitely wasn't years behind and I wasn't going to sit around not teaching her. I decided to check out my first homeschool conference. I was sold. It was nothing like what I had been told as a teacher. These kids were learning way more than I was ever able to teach in a classroom with 20 plus kids, and faster too.
Our homeschool journey began. After 5 years "officially" homeschooling we met our youngest daughter. She was preschool age and definitely behind. I worked with her, and planned to send her to public school. She wasn't fully adopted yet, and it would only be for kindergarten. Then all the abuse came out and I realized there was no way she could go to school and deal with all the therapy she needed.
I know there are many children in foster care, adopted, or who have experienced massive trauma that are in public school. They are home early in the morning, after school and on weekends. In those times they race to therapy appointments and try to attach to their new family. While I know it's possible, I believe it takes longer to see gains and is more difficult than homeschooling.
My children are with me all day. I know them very well. I can finish their sentences. We joke that I can read my eldest child's mind. Here I had a new daughter coming into the mix, who I did not know well. I didn't know how to read her. I had not had her as an infant, we were not bonded. I knew she still needed an afternoon nap or she was a crab, but I didn't know much else. I couldn't imagine sending her to school from 8 am till 3:30 pm and not having that time to get to know her. I think progress would have come a lot slower if that were the case. She would have been bonding with her teachers and the other students and not as much with me and her dad and siblings. I read to form good attachment with babies and young children it is recommended by counselors to wear the child most of the day, and if possible for at least one of the parents to take a year off work to stay home with the new child. I know not all people can do that, but I was already home. I realized my daughter was too old to wrap and wear, but she still needed to properly attach to us. I knew from reading many adoption books that attachment issues are the worst things to deal with and attachment is key to a healthy child relationship.
Honestly it would have been a lot easier to send her to school at times. I missed my calm quiet home. I missed teaching my other children without someone throwing a fit and whining or interrupting. There were days when I desperately wanted to send her to school. Yet, I knew that it wouldn't help her. I was pretty sure her behaviors would get worse. She'd probably question why everyone else was kept home and she was sent away. Afternoons were her worst time of day without a nap. So I'd be giving the school her best time of day and getting her left overs. My heart and my head told me that would not be right to do for her.
So I withdrew her from the kindergarten I had thought she'd attend and began homeschooling her. I got to see her learn to read. I was there to snuggle with her as we did her school. I got to speak life to her all throughout the day. I also got to see when she was exhausted and needed a nap and allow her to take it. I am so glad we chose to homeschool her. As I look at other kids we know who were adopted through foster care at the same time, and are in daycare and public school, I see they are behind her in their attachment to their new families. They aren't as secure yet, simply because they haven't had the same number of hours with their new families as she has. Their parents have done nothing wrong. They just haven't had as much time to attach and learn about each other.
I strongly believe that homeschooling newly adopted children is a wonderful way to build a strong family bond. I always get the question, "But what about socialization?" They need to learn to socialize with their new siblings first. If they don't attach to their family there will be issues far beyond socialization. We are not hermits, there is church and homeschool co-ops and scouts and clubs that we are a part of. My kids get tons of socialization. But lets be honest: we want our kids to learn what's right and what's wrong and to be able to follow directions before we throw them in with a bunch of other kids their age who have their own behavior problems. Socialization is not the end all be all. A healthy, well attached and adjusted child is way more important.
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